Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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