Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
