i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
