Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
