i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
