Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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