How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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