I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was like his penis was on wheels.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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