The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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