i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
