You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
