so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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