i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
