i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
