Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
