I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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