I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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