Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
