I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
