Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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