How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
