Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
