Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
