I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
