My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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