The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
