Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
