lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
one might say we're banned from that church
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
