He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
