You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
