i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
