We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
