dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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