i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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