Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
