Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
