The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
