i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
