My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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