my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
