No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
