You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
