I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
