I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
