That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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