just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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