Are we in a gay sports bar?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
