Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
