I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize