I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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