he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need moral support for this bender
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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