You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
