this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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