I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
