So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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