If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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