4 words: hood of his car
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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