Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I understand Curling. That high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
