i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize