Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
