im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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