Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
