the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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