I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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