Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
