Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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