My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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