Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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